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Where your work meets your life. See more from Ascend here.

We all want to be appreciated. Whether you've accepted a task while your plate is already full, worked through weekends to get a project off the ground, or simply been there for a work friend when they needed your support, an acknowledgement or "thank you" can go a long way in making us feel good about the efforts we put in — and the research supports this.

A recent study from McKinsey & Company found that although most employers believe that the large number of people who quit their jobs this year were looking for better compensation, most were leaving because they didn't feel valued and lacked a sense of belonging at work. Another study found that receiving more frequent appreciation from our colleagues and managers doesn't only make us feel respected, it's also linked to better performance.

The many benefits of gratitude may be explained by the feel-good chemicals released in our brains upon expressing or receiving it. Dopamine and serotonin are two neurotransmitters responsible for immediately uplifting our moods. When we give or experience thanks daily, we strengthen these neural pathways.

The problem is that many of us hold fears around expressing our thanks to others. I've seen this time and again through my work training leaders in the art of recognition and engagement. Some people want to express appreciation more often but fear that their efforts will be misinterpreted or make the person on the receiving end uncomfortable. Others struggle to find the right words to express what they feel, or they worry that their remarks might be seen as kissing up or as masking a hidden agenda.

While these fears are valid, they can also stop us from experiencing the long list of rewards gratitude has to offer. One method I've found useful for overcoming them is starting small, with a simple thank-you note. There are a few simple rules you can follow to make sure your efforts are taken to heart (and not negatively misinterpreted).

Rules for Crafting a Meaningful Thank-You Note

Keep it genuine.

The goal of expressing appreciation is to let someone know how their actions have impacted you and/or others. If you have any other agenda, your message will not be authentic. Still, you need to be thoughtful with your words if you want to come across as genuine.

Set the context.

If you've ever been surprised by a compliment, then you know that it can feel good — and simultaneously jarring. This is because you are trying to take in the other person's words while also interpreting their intentions, especially if the compliment arrives late or catches you off guard.

As the person giving thanks, you can put the recipient at ease by sharing the context of your message (or what prompted you to approach them) first.

Examples:

  • I was reflecting on our last project over the weekend, and I realized I never said thank you.
  • We have been so busy lately that I realized I haven't taken the time to express my appreciation for all your great work.
  • I was reading an article in HBR about expressing appreciation and I thought of you.

Share what you appreciate and why.

Next, focus on the impact their actions have had on you. It may be as simple as bringing a smile to your face on a tough day or as big as supporting you through a difficult period. Be specific, and explain both what you appreciate and why. In doing so, you'll help the other person understand the reason you feel the way you do.

Example 1:

What you appreciate:

As you know, last year was extremely hard for me. I was trying to work from home while taking care of my parents at the same time. No matter how busy we were, you made time in every meeting to ask about my parents and check in on how I was doing.

Why you appreciate it:

I know this is just who you are, but your check-ins always made me feel better and helped me navigate this last year.

Example 2:

What you appreciate:

The other day I was feeling completely overwhelmed and alone trying to get the report done for the client meeting. I know it may have been simple for you, but when you stepped up and offered to help format the final document, it made a huge difference.

Why you appreciate it:

A lot of people offer support, but few put their words into action, and I can't express how much your support helped me get the job done and made me feel like a part of the team.

Example 3:

What you appreciate:

I know it took courage for you to give me honest feedback after my last presentation. I want you to know I really appreciate your doing that.

Why you appreciate it:

I always ask for feedback, but people rarely say anything more than, "You did great." Your feedback helped me rethink my presentation and gave me concrete things to work on. That's exactly what I needed to improve.

Close the message.

With the core of the message drafted, it's time to end the thank-you note. You can do this with a simple, straightforward "thank you" or a more detailed sign off.

Examples:

  • Thank you again, I really appreciate working with you.
  • Even though I may not say it all the time, I appreciate all you do.
  • Thank you again for your support, it made a real difference for me.
  • Thank you for all that you do.
  • Thank you!

Send it.

E-mails get lost and handwritten cards get saved. Therefore, write your message on a piece of paper, post-it note, or card and give it directly to the person. If you're at work, leave it on their desk or in their "mailbox." If you're not going to see them for a while, snap a photo of your message and send the person the picture, or better still, mail the card to them.

Sending a hand-written message is important because it gives the other person the opportunity to take in your appreciation without feeling the pressure to respond on the spot. If you know the person can feel uncomfortable with praise, remove the pressure to reply by saying something like, "Please don't feel compelled to respond. I just wanted to let you know I appreciate working with you."

Ways to Make Your "Thank You" Meaningful

If you're thinking about what to say when you extend a "thank you" to your colleagues, here are some sample messages from common workplace scenarios:

1) Your colleague stepped in when you needed to take some time off.

Hey Kevin,

I just got back from spending some much-needed time away with my family. I wanted to thank you for stepping up and covering for me when I was gone. I know you already have a lot on your plate and the fact that you took on my workload as well means a lot to me. I just want you to know I really appreciate what you did.

Thank you!

2) Someone did something really kind for you. (Sent you a care package, threw you a birthday party, made you notes from a meeting that wasn't recorded, or reached out to check in when you were not feeling well.)

Hi Maria,

I just received the care package you sent and wanted to say thank you. As you know, work has been brutal these last few weeks and when I got the package in the mail today, it made my day. Thank you for all that you do to make us feel cared for at work. It makes a huge difference!

3) Someone advocated for you to get a raise or promotion.

Hi Kira,

I heard from Aya that you put my name forward for a promotion and I wanted to say thank you. Regardless of whether I get it or not, I am honored you thought of me for the position, and I can't thank you enough for all of the time you've invested to help me grow over these last few years. I feel extremely lucky to be able to learn from you as a leader and appreciate all that you have done for me.

Thank you.

4) Your team members have been working overtime to get some challenging projects finished.

Hi Jose,

We have been so busy lately that I realized I haven't taken the time to express my appreciation. I know the workload has been a lot these past few weeks as we try to wrap up our big project.  You have been working your tail off, putting in extra hours, and doing so many things behind the scenes to make this happen.  I appreciate all that you do, and I love having you on our team. We could not do this great work without your invaluable contributions.

5) Your boss gave you an opportunity to take the lead in a high-profile meeting.

Hi Mohamad,

I was thinking about last week's presentation over the weekend, and I wanted to say thank you.

I know that this was a very big account, and you took a risk in letting me take the lead. I really appreciate what you did. I had shared that I wanted to get more exposure in our last one on one, and it means a lot that you took that seriously and made it happen. I know that not all managers do that, and I feel extremely lucky to get to work with you.

6) A team member received some difficult feedback and took action on it.

Hi Ira,

I wanted to let you know I really appreciate how much you've been working on the things we spoke about. Getting challenging feedback is never easy, and many people get defensive and never do anything about it.

Over the last two months, I have seen you really shift how you collaborate with others. I have watched you ask more questions in meetings, ask others for input, and put their recommendations into practice. As a result, I have seen your work and the team's work improve for the better.

I just want to let you know I see the difference and appreciate everything you are doing to grow.  Keep it up, it's inspiring!

7) Someone has just been great to work with.

Hi Vlad,

I was laughing hysterically after the last message you sent on Slack and just wanted to let you know you are amazing to work with. I know this is just who you are, but the fact you can find something to laugh or smile about in these difficult times always brightens my day. One thing that really impresses me is your ability to go from making jokes to digging in and getting work done. I hope this note brightens your day in the same way you regularly brighten mine (and others)!

So go ahead and write out that thank-you note. Not only will it make you happy but the person receiving it will have a great day as well.